Molly & Monet surviving the loss of a loved one

There are many issues, physically and emotionally created out of the current economic situation.

Marriage and relationships are at risk. Children of families, need some relief, as everything seems to be not only about the economy, but foreclosure, and bank problems, and even though the president has offered change, many of us are open to that change, but we still see the markets go down, more foreclosures, banks not lending, educational ramifications, business closure in communities, food sky high, no buying because of fear and all that goes with a depression that is sweeping our country.    Republicans do not have leaders who offer ideas, and are the party of no. No ideas, just criticism. Obama came into this office because the people want change, and do not want the same old business as usual. In the last 8 years the wealthy have more and the middle class have less money to live with. There is scandal after scandal.

I am a psychologist who specializes in grief a loss and relationship issues. I have been seeing an increasing and alarming number of people who are frightened, confused, and angry, with no ideas of how the current financial changes are going to possibly help people personally. There are people who have means who have been victims of local bank failures, and some who have lost major parts of their 40lK's. Many people with higher degrees have also been hit with the people that they do business with, resulting in not being able to for goods and services.

These problems cause other problems in a fragile family relationship of blaming, and not knowing how to handle this period of time. Stress in the marriage and trying to make ends meet, are major factors. People who have run up credit card debt are slowly trying to crawl out, as this is the reality of now, but the reality is to live within your means. If you can't afford it, don't charge it! Many people are beginning to change their habits, out of fear, and fright, which still doesn't take away the turmoil of marriages and relationships already at risk and fragile from normal living.

There are positive things that we can do! exercise and get out of the house or meditate, or do something that is not expensive and change the mind set. This is a time of great upheaval. People with masters degrees are looking for jobs. There are positive things that we can all do. Instead of spending money at the mall for junk for our kids, it is time to bond with them, and read and play ball and board games, or perhaps re-visit the art of talking to our children. Perhaps there is some silver lining in this, in that we all need to band together to spend more time with our kids. Our children are watching us, and it is how we cope that will teach our kids the way to be. We need to be creative to reach out and help others, and go back to basics. The children will learn from us, just as many of us remember our parents and grandparents struggling due to the great depression. Maybe starting a course given by neighborhood sources in Tai Chi, Meditation, Yoga, or a exercise experience to go to regularly. If things are out of hand in your life and home from stress, get some counseling with people that are qualified in stress management, grief, and loss. The grief, and loss, is the reality of acknowledgement of the way things were financially and how they are realistically now, and the ability to look at the future.

There are jobs being created through the stimulus package, and will soon begin to filter through. Be honest, some of us never should have bought a home. If it sounded too good and we were sold that the mortgage would ultimately change, some of us needed to be smart enough to know in our hearts that this was a quick fix, and that really some of us couldn't afford our big house. Some of us need to go back to renting, paying off credit card debt, and getting REAL with our financial lives. No greater lesson can be taught to this generation of kids, who need not spend, and spend, but look for fun in other ways, and learn to use their creative games, fun, and getting along with other neighbors and friends who are hurting in the same situations.

I know that our government understands our problems, and are quite savvy with plans to pull us out. This is all very new to us, and we must be patient and do are part, while the government does theirs.   All of us are concerned with jobs drying up, and jobs closing in what was once lucrative areas of the United States.

This all daily brings stress and headaches, and causes physical and mental issues. We are all afraid that this may be a retracted depression which could take many years to come back to a normal way of life. Many of us are feeling despondent. The younger generation can and will have the time line to make their funds back, The retired generation who planned on spending their hard earned years of working is troubled beyond normal thinking. They do not have the time line to make these funds back.

OUR BEHAVIOR:

Stop the credit card spending. If you do not have the money, then do not spend. If your credits are high, and you are just paying the limit, consolidate them to a card with no or low percentage. Consider your credit card a serious bill, and begin to pay it off. Instead of buying unnecessary items, spend the money on paying down debt. Clip Coupons, and go into shopping at better priced stores, and stay away from major super markets. Shop at discount stores for clothing. Buy food that is only on special and make your menus around that. Make a list before going grocery shopping, and do not deviate from the list. Don't go grocery shopping hungry, but after eating. Talk to family and friends about taking a vacation on holiday and gift giving. If your house is close to foreclosure, talk to the lender, before it gets too late, to make arrangements. They really don't want your house, to sell. They already have plenty. There are many positive thoughts and activities that we can all turn to.

The times that we are living in now daily brings stressors and headaches and physical complaints, which all may lead to serious medical conditions. The mental stress is not a good stress. There is such a thing as a good stressor. This time in history with this emotional upheaval is not the time. We all are afraid of this being a long or retracted depression which could take many years to come back to a normal way of living.

Many of us are feeling sad and despondent and depressed. The younger generation can and will have the time line to make their funds back again, but the retired generation has a shorter time line. The retired group of individuals have worked hard all their lives to only see much of their funds disappear. This all has an effect on health and emotional well being. The grief that individuals feel is that of helplessness, much as someone might feel if a death of a loved one occurred.

COMFORTING & HELPFUL IN STRESSFUL TIMES:

The following are some hints and suggestions to help all of us.

WE NEED TO TAKE BACK OUR CONTROL OF OUR THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS.

Exercise is a strong and helpful way to relieve stress. Just walking on a favorite path, using our senses of smell, touch, sight, and feeling are all helpful, and stimulate hormones to decrease our anxiety levels. Just pick a place, and get out in the open, and begin to breathe deeply and relax, and repeat 3 times, and then continue. Do this again several times on your walk.

Meditate, and if you do not know how, then learn at a free class given at a facility like the YMCA, or center that gives the classes. Yoga, Tai Chi, meditation, and perhaps physical things like swimming classes that are aerobic in style all help. Talking with fellow class members, about what is going on. Grab a book, on a subject that takes you to a different space and time. Try and concentrate on more positive things.

We all feel helpless at a time like this time in our lives, but take back your control, and think positive, about what good things are happening, and not the bad. We and we alone have control over our own behavior. Grab the control and make it part of a positive step in your daily life.

Stop the credit card spending, unless you always pay the bill every month. If you have debt, consolidate it, and pay it off with a lower rate card. Doing that takes control of your FICO score, which may be needed to re-do a mortgage, or buy something necessary.

When you shop for foods, go to local outdoor food fairs, which are always less in price. Make a grocery list, and do your shopping when you are not hungry, and buy almost everything for your weekly meals with foods that are on sale, and also clip those coupons.

Talk to family and friends about gift giving, and maybe take a vacation from this ritual.

If your house is close to foreclosure, talk to the lender now, not later, and maybe you can make arrangements. They really don't want your house to sell. They already have plenty. There are many thoughts and activities that we can all turn to. Think about what you used to enjoy, and have no time for. Make time, and let the negative thoughts drift away from your mind. You can't control the stock market, but you can control yourself.

I am a psychologist who specializes in grief and recovery. This is another painful kind of grief. It is about loss and getting back on your feet again. You can do it. My email is diphd@earthlink.net.

I wrote a book as mentioned previously and as shown on other parts of this web site, called Molly and Monet, which is exactly about GRIEF AND LOSS.

Molly and Monet cavorting, free as the birds. You can be too. diphd@earthlink.net.

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